Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
