I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
