So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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