This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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