Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
