Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
