Cold hands, warm shart.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
