The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
