Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
