i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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