I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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