It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
