i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
