Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
whose parrot is this?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
