Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
