Your face is a jimmy john
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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