Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
