Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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