he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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