i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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