So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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