He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
