Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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