i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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