Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
