wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
