Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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