So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
