and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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