so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
