I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
