Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
