I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
