I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
