its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
