I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
