i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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