i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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