I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
