how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
im six kinds of drunk right now
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
