there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
