i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
