Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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