I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
