I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
