So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
