Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
