We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
