drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just threw up on my dentist
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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