I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
