someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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