I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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