hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
